Easy Breezy Job Available

Tags

burnout, Humor, Nursing

INTENSIVE CARE NURSES WANTED

Do you like extreme challenges and responsibility? Do you have your own personal massage therapist to get the knots out of your neck at the end of the day? Are your legs made of steel?Your nerves? Do your heels have built in springs to launch you to and fro? Then you too can learn how to operate and maintain 15 different kinds of monitors, pumps and ventilators all at the same time! You too can learn how to prioritize multiple doctor orders! And all the while you will be trying to keep a human being alive who is counting exclusively on you! For 12 hours straight!

We want you to join our team! Call now! 1-800-YOUNG-ENOUGH

Hard Working Employees Mass Stupidity Conference

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burnout, Humor

FIRST ANNUAL MASS STUPIDITY CONFERENCE

TO BE HELD AT THE 5 STAR GRAND ILLUSION HOTEL in YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD

Anyone who is too tired to even know what is going on is encouraged to attend! Discussions will include:

1) Why on earth are so many rules being obeyed and how to break them  (Spa Deck 9:05 – 11:35 AM)

2) The left hand vs the right hand ( Josie’s Pool Room  (12:45 – 2:15 pm)

3) The difference between the forests and the trees ( Beachfront 3:20 – 5:00pm)

4) How not to completely overwhelm your employees with rules, regulations and punitive threats! (Charlie’s Charter House 7:00 – 9:30 pm)

5) How to be fine with not caring like you used to (Tiki Bar Pool side 9:35 PM to ?)

Drinks, gourmet delights and poolside side seating provided! Only $21.99! Call now to reserve! 1-800-WHAT-THE-HELL

Christmas in July

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Humor

My Annual Christmas Letter

Dear_______________,

Happy Holidays to One and All from my house to yours! This year has been such a lark! Not only did I finally get my husband out of the house and to stop calling me with weak excuses of reasons why he needed to “come by” but I also had a huge fight with my mother and we haven’t spoken since. …And then my daughter got really sick and was in the hospital for days. The bills for that have just started rolling in and who know how they are going to get paid. Then my house had a break in and I’ve been scared to death at night ever since. Also, I had squirrels in the attic that took weeks and weeks to get rid of because the rodent ranger guy was an idiot. Then my air conditioner broke and was spraying mold all over the place….that is costing more than $7,000 for a new one. Also, my back aches quite often.

Well, MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Game Show Tryouts!

Tags

Humor

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!

There is a new game show in town and we are looking for contestants! All that is required is that you are incredibly difficult to understand!! Do people usually ask you “What in the hell are you saying?” or “I have no idea what you just said!”? If this sounds like you and your predicament then call our studio!  We are ready to take your call and try our darndest to get your information so that you can be on our show! Our CELEBRITY panel is eager to try to figure out “What are you talking about?!” So call now! If no one in your life ever knows what are you are talking about then you are going to be a winner!!!!

CALL NOW!

1-800-letmeshutup

Quote of the Day

Tags

burnout, Humor, Nursing

Paranoid patient who wouldn’t take her medicine ” They’re poisoning me….: There is a government conspiracy lowering the elderly population to save money on medicare”.

Game Show Tryouts

Tags

burnout, Humor, Nursing

WHO’S THE MOST BURNED OUT?

To qualify as a contestant you must be employed in one of the following fields:

1) Nursing

2) Waitressing

3) Medicine

4) Editing

5) Housekeeping

6) Secretarial

7) Construction

8) Tax Law at a recognized University

9) Plumbing

10) Respiratory Therapy

11) Social Work

12) Geology

13) Textile

14) Customs

15) Accounting

If you or someone you know is totally burned out and works in one of these vocations then call now! 1-800-IHATEMYJOB! You could be our next contestant!

Memo to Hospital Activities Coordinator

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burnout, Humor, Nursing

To: All Nursing Staff

From: Administration

Re: Patient Parades

Please read carefully.

1) Always invite all ambulatory patients and give at least one hour notice prior to event

2) Do not blow start whistle into anybody’s ear because it can cause hearing damage or heart palpitations OR both

3) Warn all other staff in neighboring units i.e. ICU or housekeeping dept. that hallways will temporarily be closed to traffic

4) IV poles, mops and/or walkers may be used but NEVER use rolling chart racks as they may be needed by a physician at any moment

5) Teams should be assigned by random selection and not, under any circumstances by diagnoses. For example, putting all of the clotted AV shunt patients on one team and all of the hernia repairs on the other

Thank you. Keep up the spirit!

cc: Chief Financial Officer

 

 

Quote of the Day

Tags

burnout, Humor, Nursing

Patient: I get nauseous every time my feet hit the floor.

Chair Associates Wanted

Are you stubborn and strong and determined? Are you willing to risk hurting your back no matter what? Then come and join our team at Dilawda Regional Medical Center! Call now! We are looking for you! Do you love the challenge of pulling and pushing heavy, cumbersome, awkward, gigantic recliners from room to room? On demand? Huge, unwieldy chairs with no wheels? Then pick up your phone and dial now! 1-800- 222-3333. We will welcome you with open arms and make you a part of our moving team! Do you love to figure out how to get the small chair from the far side of a patient’s bed and fit a formidably large chair in the same spot while at the same time fighting with telephone cords, call cords and blood pressure machine cords ?  Does walking from room to room looking for the above said chair thrill you with adventure? It’s not too late to fulfill your dreams of becoming a Chair Associate! We are waiting to hear from you! There are so many chairs just needing to be moved about over and over again!

CALL TODAY!

Book Sale

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burnout, Humor, Nursing

New Releases

The State is Coming – an in depth look at how hospitals panic and make their staff insane preparing for this most unwelcome guest  $9.99

The Crazy Cardiologist – based on the life of an infamous doctor whom everyone in the state of Florida will recognize $55.99

The Empty Supply Room and other daily surprises – an accurate and empathetic account of nursing life $4.95

Poisonous Housekeeping Fumes – How what you can’t see really can hurt you $2.95

A History of Visitors at Hospitals –  In 1785 only one visitor was allowed per patient but today the whole neighborhood arrives. How did this happen? $125.99

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The Flippant Press

RR1 , New Mexico